A single match is struck and the flame lights the room. Its shadows dance on the walls to the beat of the thundering water that fills the tub. My clothes fall to the floor. A small lavender sachet tumbles under the spout and celestial tunes transport me as I sink into the steaming bath.
Closing my eyes, I am no longer in an acrylic basin but stretched out on sand and cradled by the sea. Palms sway overhead against a turquoise sky. A warm breeze sweeps subtly over my exposed form and the waves crash in the distance. I am on an island far away… floating…
Before the warmth of the sun begins to burn, the palms slowly multiply and tropical plants ease into the scene. The open sky, broken now into tiny bits of blue peeking through and I am shielded by forest greens and orange and pink blossoms. No longer cradled by sea and sand, under me a crocheted hammock carries me… swaying all the same. Tropical birds, waterfalls and the wind moving through the leaves, replaces the sound of the waves… and I sink into the rocking cocoon, softening further…. alone in a tropical rainforest paradise.
Just as peacefully as they came… the palms and ferns begin to dissolve as evergreens silently take their place and the sky begins to reveal itself once again. The brilliant blue darkens to a embracing navy, framed with black spires of trees and speckled with tiny flickering stars, brilliantly illuminating the heavens. No longer crocheted threads, but a soft canvas now swaddles me. The thundering waters have ceased and all is quiet. I am cooler now and I can’t stop staring at the night skies painted on the backs of my eyelids. Relishing in the silent, peaceful, solitude… I am at ease in this wooded sanctuary at night.
Eyes still closed and as I stand, the ocean and the waterfall merge as the water rolls off my body. Stepping out on the bath mat, I imagine it is the cool earth in my wooded scene and my problems are now underfoot- not gone away… but beneath me. I am stronger than them, and in this moment, they have no power over me.
“Momma”, a small voice comes from behind the door and my meditative state is broken. I am reminded of where I am on the journey and the life that I have been given. And while I cannot run away or escape my troubles forever… I can for a moment step away… I can transform… I can recharge and renew.
Some lavender lotion and cozy sweats and I am ready again to embrace this beautiful life in all of its wonderous complexity. For what is peace, if we never feel unrest? What is ease without hardship?
This pandemic paired with life has been a potent and deadly cocktail for many… and I too have suffered the pains of isolation, oppressive fatigue, tightening anxiety, griping fear, the heavy cloak of depression and dwindling hope. I want desperately to go back to my old life of happy hours on the porch, hugs, endless travel plans and friends and family abound.
But I am reminded that that life too, knew challenges, conflict, exhaustion, and fear. And that long as this season has been and despite its hardships, it has afforded us a much-needed break from many things. It has defined relationships that needed defining. It has invited us to explore our creativity- at work, in the kitchen and the arts. It has allowed us more opportunities to take on new projects, to hear one another with less distraction… and to take more baths.
When I allow the worries of the world to consume me, I am a helpless child… quivering in fear and uncertainty. When I detach, I am a leaf blowing where the wind takes me, unfeeling and removed. When the pain hits close to my bones, I am enraged and like an untamed flame, I ache to scorch everything in my path.
But when I let the pain and the fear and the worry wash over me like the waves of the sea- accepting it, not denying it, releasing it, not holding on to it…
I am Aphrodite… and my power lies in the goodness I create; my fertility yielding wholesome fruits of creation- a plated meal, a painted wall-or- fingernails, a freshly pruned plant, a gentle ” I love you”, a craft, words scribbled on a page…
Every season affords us a series of days, and every day, a series of moments. It’s what we do in those moments, how we choose to respond, to reflect and embrace… that define us.
Yesterday I might have been the anxious child… and tomorrow the winds of trauma may sweep me away again as the leaf… but today….
Today… I am Aphrodite.
Who are you?
