For many people, the holidays hold a bittersweetness about them. The glitter and the lights, the delicious food and brightly wrapped packages, the gathering of friends and family, are all part of what makes the holidays a sweet and wonderful occasion that we look forward to celebrating. But along with that wonder and excitement, for many, the holidays also hold the bitterness of broken promises, missed opportunity, loss and regret. If we’re lucky, we’re able to balance the two. We’re able to see the faces of those that have gone before us in the traditions and the crafts and the baking and we give them a respectful nod or a toast. But for others, the loss they’ve experienced is on such a grand scale and the dulled edges of expected loss are sharpened so painfully with the tragic loss of a loved one gone too soon, that a balance of bitterness and sweetness is a much harder feat.
The last time that I saw my oldest brother’s face was the Christmas of 1996. He was quite ill at the time, with mental illness and substance abuse, but my 14-year-old self didn’t quite grasp the gravity of it. I knew that there wasn’t much he would use or want so I put my creative skills to use and made my first decorated cake. He loved penguins. So I created an arctic scene on a sheet cake with icing, rock candy and gummy penguins. Instead of handing him a brightly wrapped package, I handed him my heart-felt craft and I elicited from him a rare, ear-to-ear grin. That night when he left, my cool teenage self chose not to hug him or say “I love you.” My family wasn’t big on that and my adolescent immaturity made it worse. I can still see him getting out of the car and I can still remember the inner conflict I felt as he walked away and all I said was “Bye Sean”.
My memories from that Christmas couldn’t be a more fitting example of thatĀ bittersweetness that I speak of. A few weeks later, at his viewing, I later learned from his friends that he paraded that cake around town. He thought that it was just “the coolest thing” and I got “props” from my big brother’s cool friends. Still, because I chose not to display my love and affection in other ways, I’ve had to learn to live with my own regret, my own missed opportunity, my own loss.
This season, be mindful of those people who find it “hard to get into the Christmas spirit”. Take note of the people who spend their holidays alone and include them. Be patient and understanding if they’re just not jolly. Remember that even the “Grinch” had a reason for his hardened and bitter heart. We’re all on our own journey, but we’re in it together. And we almost never hit the ‘hard parts’ at the same time. Instead of wondering why someone can’t “get it together,” lend them a hand … or an ear, instead of a judgment. Stop for just a second and take a look around … to see the people who may be silently suffering, they are often the ones hurting the most. Look beyond your own circle of festivities and see how you can add a little sweetness to their situation. And instead of saying I’ll do it next year … instead of being too busy to travel, too self-righteous to make a phone call or too cool to say “I love you”, use this season as an opportunity to make memories and to make amends. Life is too fragile to be filled with regrets.
And after you’ve delivered your cookies to the shut-ins and made your phone calls and filled your homes with lonely hearts and empty bellies … find a delicious holiday drink to fill your cups … cook up something delicious and affordable to share … and start telling stories and playing games … continue old traditions and build new memories … and then, let the sweetness of the holidays slowly saturate the bitterness away. It can, if you give it time and you let it in.
Here’s a cocktail that I think does just that. Cranberries, alone, are a sour and bitter fruit. And whiskey is a libation known to burn as it goes down and numb what is tender. But sugar and cinnamon and citrus have been the sweeteners and the fruits of the holidays since they first began. This cocktail uses these traditional sweets to balance the bitterness of the whiskey and the cranberry to give a beautiful holiday balance. I hope you enjoy it and the remainder of your holiday season. Blessings to all and wishes for a sweetened holiday this year and the years to come – from Life, Liberty and a little bit of Libations!
Whiskey-Cranberry cocktail
- 1 cup whiskey
- 1/4 cup fresh-squeezed lemon juice
- 1/4 cup fresh orange juice
- 1/4 cup fresh squeezed lime juice
- 4 TBs spiced-cranberry simple syrup (see below)
Combine and stir or shake. Serve over ice. Makes about 4 servings.
Spiced cranberry simple syrup
- 1 cup pure, unsweetened cranberry juice
- 1 cup water
- 1 1/2 cups sugar
- 3 cinnamon sticks
Heat in a small saucpan until sugar dissolves and liquid reduces by about 1/5. Let cool.
