It was her 2nd grade teacher and the year that she was diagnosed with ADHD. Before that, I had heard some suggestions that my daughter “worked slower than most” but this was the year that it all came to a head. Our weekly meetings always included “not prepared for class” and “finishes last”. There were daily e-mails and continued efforts to “find a way that works” but with an open classroom and a teacher who didn’t “get it”, we didn’t get very far. She was my first child and I was at a loss. I didn’t know where to go or what to do next.
The evaluation process is a long one and while I went through the motions of establishing a diagnosis, the struggle in the classroom increased. When I said that my daughter “cried everyday when she walked out of school”, the teacher said, “I don’t see that.” When I said, “She’s very aware of her deficit and she hates being last to finish”, the teacher said, “She doesn’t show any reaction in my classroom.” When I said, with printed studies in hand, “You must stop keeping her in from recess everyday to finish classwork,” She said, “Ok” and then did it again anyway. It took 5 meetings and a threat to go to the board to get that recess punishment to stop.
I don’t know if that teacher ever knew just how broken my child’s spirit was that year. I don’t know if I even knew just how broken it was…until she started to get better. A spirit that is slowly diminishing is sometimes harder to identify than one that is coming back to life. Second grade ended in mere survival mode with therapy appointments that I made during school hours so that she could get a break from classroom time and eat ice-cream after her session before I returned her to her classroom. If I could have home-schooled her, I would have. We made it…but just barely!
It was 3rd grade when I started opening the school year with an e-mail introducing my daughter and her 504 plan to the teachers. Explaining her learning needs with an absence of behavioral problems and what she and I’s expectations were seemed to help. Third grade improved with teachers and a mother who had more understanding and more skills.
But it was 4th grade and the teacher who took a few days to respond to my e-mail that really changed everything. When your momma-bear instincts and your skill for writing both come colliding together, I’m sure it’s a little intimidating. At first, I was concerned as to why the teacher wasn’t getting back to me immediately. But when her response came, I was reassured as she apologized for the delay and explained that she wanted to give my thoughts and concerns her utmost time and attention. She gently reassured me of her various outlets within the classroom for children to “get-away” when they needed to and of her system of positive reinforcement. She embraced the open lines of communication and ensured me that she’d keep an eye on my girl.
And then something magical happened. Instead of calling me in for a face-to-face meeting, like every other teacher had when they saw my e-mail, she met with my daughter. She took my daughter aside during quiet work and talked to her about her ADHD. She explained that her sister also had the disorder and she remembers how hard school was for her. She gave her options of places to go, within the classroom, when she needed a two-minute break and she gave her a little dollar-store figit toy. And for the rest of the year she praised her and loved her.
When my daughter didn’t finish all of her work, the teacher sent it home with her… she didn’t punish her. When she performed poorly on an exam, the teacher didn’t show her disappointment, she encouraged her to keeping working hard. She was the teacher with an open-door policy for the kids to come and talk to her and she taught most of her lessons on the floor or jumping around the room and engaging the kids. She told her kids they could do anything they set their minds to and she believed in them. It wasn’t just my child that she touched. There were many that for one reason or another needed encouragement. She was really good at encouraging them.
While her grades improved, my daughter didn’t become a straight-A student that year. In fact, she didn’t even make the honor roll. But what she did do was far richer. She began to like herself again. She began to appreciate school and for the first time ever… she was excited to learn and she loved her teacher. That year, my daughter came back to life.
Every year since that second grade year, I am filled with anxious anticipation when the new school year starts. A PTSD of sorts, I am afraid of encountering another teacher who “doesn’t get it”. But then I remember sweet Ms.Atherholt who with her courage, understanding, kindness and enthusiasm dragged my little girl out of the darkness and into the light. She too… left that following year and I wrote her a letter thanking her for saving my little girl. I hope she knows that I meant it.
For all the teachers out there who take the extra minutes during quiet time to talk to a troubled student, who hand them a secret little dollar store prize when they see that they need it, who love what they do and show it…. I thank you from the bottom of my heart!
You carry the ability to build up or break down any child. All of the therapy and paternal support in the world can’t fix a teacher who lacks empathy and support and it can’t replace a teacher who does either! Kids spend 35 hours a week with their teachers. That’s a lot of opportunity to influence. Thank you for making that influence a positive one!
There is no doubt that you guys hold one of, if not the most important jobs for our future and yet, you are grossly under-paid and under-appreciated. I long for the day that all teachers are held to the same high standards of performance and are paid accordingly. I long for education at the primary and secondary levels to be highly respected and sought-after positions and I’ll do everything in my power as a citizen to help make that happen. In the meantime, I hope that you hear, from this mother, that I see your hard work and I know how much patience and at-home time goes into it and I appreciate you!
For Ms.A and all the other teachers out there who use their heart, their skill and their education to not just make a living but to make a difference. Thank you!
Nurses and teachers share a week for a reason…because we both save lives.
Happy Teachers Week!
