Lessons Learned and a Life Worth Living

It’s not until after I talk to others (like really talk) that I remember, not everyone grew-up like I did. Many people had much more functional upbringings and were more privileged than I was. That used to make me bitter. But over the years, I have shared treasured encounters with the blessed souls who had it worse…and my life perspective has been restored.

You see, no matter how bad you have it…you have the capability to do well. And when you do well, many times the people around you, seem to have it better than you do. They have bigger houses, better cars, lifestyles that seem easier. But that’s just your perspective. You’ve climbed further than many of them have. If you remained stagnant, you’d look around and see a whole bunch of people just like yourself. But that’s not satisfying! You have to change the way you look at things. You’ve survived and conquered and that is something to be proud of, not ashamed.

I was born in a trailer. The oldest girl and third child of four. When I was six we moved into a tiny single family home-a fixer upper, but ours nonetheless. Amongst the six of us, we shared one bathroom and four bedrooms. Across the street from my childhood home was an old Catholic Church and school. Electing to raise us devoutly Catholic, my parents yearned to send us for a Catholic education. We were very low-income but my Mother worked out an agreement with the school to work off part of the tuition by working in the lunchroom. That, combined with hard work and good grades, along with generous relatives, afforded me a private school education. I was a lower class citizen that was given a middle-upper class opportunity and that probably made all the difference in my life success.

While my family was always very involved in our church and Catholic school community – serving as altar servers and lectors during church services, walking to daily mass at 7 am before school, tutoring special needs students in religious education classes, boy scouts, girls scouts, liturgical dance…the whole shaa-bang, behind closed doors our family was saturated in dysfunction. My parents combined income in the late 80s early 90s sat around $15,000 a year-which was a huge contributing factor in the resources available to us as well as the struggles of day-to-day living. I began working at the age of 12 and have never lived a day without a job since. Alcoholism , drug abuse, mental illness and generational cycles of abuse and their associated challenges plagued my family for years.

Our family struggles reached an all-time high when my oldest brother (tormented with mental health issues and drug and alcohol abuse) opted-out-of-life, tearing us into a family of 5. My other brother, closest in age and personality to me, coped with his own intense life struggles and substance abuse and was often times separated from the family. When I was 13, my parents finally divorced after many separations and attempted reconciliations. I was in charge of caring for my little sister and often times an elderly aunt while my mother learned how to make a living for the first time. A strained relationship with her led me to live with my father half-way through high school. Due to the location of his house in relation to my high-school and his work schedule, I often woke up at 3 am in order to be able to catch a ride to school with a friend by 6am.

Through fortunate opportunity and good grades I was able to graduate from a private high school and was accepted to college. I went to school full-time and worked 4 jobs to get by. College was such a breath of fresh air for me. There were so many people to meet, stories to hear, perspectives to be seen. I developed a grand appreciation for science and discovered my love of creative writing. I also abandoned the idea of organized religion and drew closer to the ideal of humanism. Good character, compassion and a love for fellow human beings and the planet became more important and reliable to me than church doctrine. Death, misfortune and tragedy continued to follow me but so did opportunity and blessings and new ideas.

In my 1st year of nursing school, at the age of 21, my oldest child entered the world. This proved to be a challenge but one worth taking. Motherhood was the best thing that ever happened to me. Given my life situation at the time, the challenge was a heavy one but she served as the greatest motivator to my success. I graduated on-time with a BSN in nursing in 2005 at the age of 23 with my 14 month old in arms.

At the age of 25, I bought my first home and delivered my second child within 3 weeks of one another. While I was out on maternity leave with my son, I married my children’s father and planned our wedding ceremony for family and friends (in between unpacking the new house of course). And from then on, the dust has continued to settle and the puzzle pieces of life have slipped into place.

My husband and I’s relationship has been a true testament of love, hard work and a bit of luck. It wasn’t always pretty and it wasn’t always easy but it’s been almost 15 years together and 10 years married and there is no one else I’d rather have by my side. He was the most unlikely of pursuers and has made me the happiest woman alive. I am hardly the woman I was when we met and he is largely responsible for that.

By the grace of God or some rotational shift of the universe, I am now a blissfully married mother of two and a damn-good labor and delivery nurse. And the rest of my family has found happiness too. I have seven beautiful nieces and nephews, step-parents who love me and two siblings who, like me, fought through the battle and came out victorious.

My road has been at times, a very bumpy one and my life, a very colorful one. But I am so thankful for every experience because of what I have learned. I have learned how to set goals and to work hard. I’ve learned not to judge. I’ve learned that people aren’t always what they seem-good or bad and that appearance means nothing except to provide a temporary illusion. I’ve learned that second chances are sometimes the key to life’s treasures. And that life’s treasures sometimes lie in the darkest places. I’ve learned not to count on many people but how to become the person that others can count upon. I’ve learned that love really does conquer all and that a little bit of luck makes life magical. I’ve learned that in the scope of life, very little actually matters….but the things that do matter-are everything. And what I have learned that matters most is that no matter what the world throws at you…life is always worth living…and its worth living to the fullest. It is made up of seasons and every season has its end. Every day is an adventure waiting to happen and a story waiting to be written. And every challenge has a gift packaged up inside, you just have to unwrap it.

Now, when I meet other people who “had it easier” than I did….I remind myself…few people know the depths of my struggles and few people share their own deepest struggles…but those challenges are what makes you who you are today…and you are a damn fine specimen if I do say so myself.